Slow to anger and slow to judge
Be better than your initial reactions.
Recently, Eugene Levy, the Canadian actor and comedian known for co-creating and starring on the award-winning sitcom Schitt's Creek and many others, was presented with his star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. Legendary Cathrine O'Hara introduced him as "a gentleman in every sense of the word" and someone who "is slow to anger" and "slow to judge." These last two phrases stuck with me. These are perhaps some of the most defining compliments you can offer someone. They are simple yet powerful and frankly rare in people. How often do we notice these qualities in ourselves and others? How self-conscious should we be to detect the lack of these qualities and improve ourselves to become slow to anger and judge?
I believe in gentleness, which can only happen if, every time, instead of reacting, we respond after a pause, after collecting our thoughts, skipping the blame game, and extending grace toward ourselves and others.
These reactions are often defence mechanisms triggered by stress, fear, discomfort or past experiences. Recognizing our triggers is the first step toward managing them. It involves a deep, introspective look at our responses to various situations, asking ourselves why we react the way we do and what underlying emotions or experiences influence us.
Anger and judgment, while often cast in a negative light, are not inherently wrong. In fact, they can play crucial roles in our lives when understood and managed appropriately. Their misuse or uncontrolled expression can lead to problems, not the feelings themselves.
The dual nature of anger
Anger can be powerful, driving us to address injustices or pursue positive changes. It can energize us to stand up for ourselves or others, leading to social or personal improvements. Expressed constructively, anger can communicate feelings and boundaries more effectively, signalling to others that an issue needs to be addressed. At its core, anger can be a mechanism for self-preservation, warning us when our well-being is threatened and prompting us to take protective action. The key lies in how we interpret and channel this emotion.
When anger is uncontrolled or expressed harmfully, it can damage relationships, impede rational decision-making, and lead to aggression or violence. The distinction between constructive and destructive anger hinges on self-awareness and regulation.
The multifaceted role of judgment
Judgment is the cognitive process of forming an opinion or conclusion. It is an essential function of the human mind. It helps us navigate the world, make decisions, and assess situations and people. Judgment enables us to think critically and evaluate the validity of information, arguments, and beliefs. Judgment can protect us, helping us identify potential threats or harmful situations. It also allows us to assess the trustworthiness of others and to navigate social interactions wisely.
However, judgment can have downsides when it becomes overly critical, prejudiced, or based on incomplete or biased information. Such judgments can lead to misunderstandings, conflicts, and unfair treatment of others.
The power of pause
Pausing before responding is transformative. When faced with a situation that elicits frustration or judgment, taking a moment to breathe and step back from our initial impulses may make a significant difference.
This pause provides space to process our emotions, consider the broader context, and reflect on the consequences of our potential reactions. It allows us to respond rather than react, choosing our actions based on reflection and understanding rather than impulse.
Our power lies in the delta between how we react and how we respond.
Forgiving
Holding onto grudges or dwelling on past slights only perpetuates a cycle of negativity and impatience. Forgiveness doesn't mean condoning unacceptable behaviour or forgetting about conflicts; instead, it's about releasing the hold that past grievances have on us, allowing us to move forward with a more evident, open mindset.
Being slow to anger and judge may seem counterintuitive in a world that often values speed and decisiveness. Yet, the benefits of cultivating these qualities are profound, leading to more respectful, empathetic, and effective relationships.
At the end of the day, if each of us were about to make a decision about who to be, we all would choose to be the person who can hold themselves gracefully and not lose their cool in front of people, sharing perhaps a mistake they made, an issue that occurred, or an out-of-control situation that arose. In most cases, we can find solutions if we don't let our ego get the best of us. If not, we will create more problems.
Final thoughts
I have been thinking about what I can offer those reading this. A close friend of mine gave me a book called "The Four Agreements" by Don Miguel Ruiz, which is based on ancient Toltec wisdom. This book outlines four agreements we make with ourselves, others, and life.
Be impeccable with your word.
Don't take anything personally.
Don't make assumptions.
Always do your best.
These principles encourage us to detach from the actions and words of others. They invite us to reflect that reactions are often more about the other person's internal struggles than about us. They advise us to communicate openly to avoid misunderstandings that can lead to anger and frustration. Perhaps they can guide us in our moments of anger or harsh judgment.